Men Of Yesterday and Today

Yesterday 17th, June 2012 was Fathers Day, I wasn’t aware of this until I went unto my timeline on twitter and saw people mocking me. I am still not a father yet, it’s true and if you know me well, you will be surprised and will be asking yourself questions. I love kids, I really love kids but this life isn’t fair, let me just say that for now. And before you start drawing your conclusions, I am very potent.

I will have a baby soon, latest by next year, I will also have a baby and I will let you all see. I know all the tricks in making a baby girl, boy and even twins. It’s all in the thrust, the season and the meal you eat before having sex. No questions, because it’s not the reason why I am writing this post. I am writing this post because several things crossed my head yesterday, Fathers Day.

I was raised in a Ghanaian household where everything was bliss and complete, I say complete because I didn’t lack anything. I went to very good schools and basically had what every child needs. The only thing that I didn’t have was a father. He was away, I don’t mean that he was working overseas, there was simply no father. My father didn’t take care of me, I had no idea how he looked liked and my mother never talked about him. The only time she talked about my father was when she was ‘cussing’ me and I hope most of you know or have an idea how she cussed me. I don’t want to pull back memories.

I grew up with 2 other siblings, they had one father, who did well to take care of them. At a point, around the mid 90s they had to move from the house to live with their father in Kumasi and so It was left with me, my mum and grandma. We were not poor, far from that, my mom was a very strong woman and did her best to support the family. I also had so many uncles (mom’s siblings/grandma’s kids) both in Ghana and overseas who also supported the family and I actually thought that one of them was my dad until I got old and wiser. On Fathers Day, I realized one thing, my mother was also my father and she played that role perfectly well. This can be confirmed when you look at me, and sometimes when I compare myself to some of the friends I grew up with, I give thanks. Most of these friends had both parents around and if you look at their lives now, you will be sad. I have mates who are dead because of crime, who are on the streets, some are in rehab and some still can’t find a rhythm to their lives and funny enough these are people who grew up in rich homes with both parents.

Now here is the twist, my father didn’t live far away, neither was he a poor man. He lived about 15minutes walk from my house but my mum did so well to tell me lies, just so I don’t start searching and finding. In Senior Sec. Sch., I saw my dad for the first time and it wasn’t through my mother but a friend helped me. This happened when my mum died. The funny thing is I was in the same school with my siblings at a point but had no idea they were, I was playing with my own siblings but seriously had no idea. I want to know why men do this at all. They get a lady pregnant and just leave like they have finished with whatever they need to do, like they have played their part. That man left my mother the first time he heard that she was pregnant and I still want to know the reason why. If you know you don’t want to take care of a baby, or can’t take care of a baby, then why do you get that innocent lady pregnant? Does that even make sense? This thing is still going on and a friend of mine is going through the same thing now in the States. Knowing me and my history with children, I don’t think I can EVER do such a thing. I really want to be a father, I want to be there for my children, I want them to be complete and not lack that fatherly love that I didn’t have during my childhood.

If you speak to most of these kids on the street and all, you will realize that they are on the street because there is no father and their mother can’t do enough for them. Due to this, they have to hustle on the streets to cater for themselves and sometimes their mothers. Is it supposed to be so? Why bring a child to this world and make them suffer? I simply don’t get it!! I always pray that my generation slides away from this practice but on the real, I think this will be hard. I say this because most of my peers cannot stick to one woman. They have the main girlfriend and they have other ‘chicks’ on the side that they mess with. I think this is how it really starts. A huge number of the guys that I have come across recently cheat on their girlfriends and it looks so normal in modern times. I have had some funny and stupid reasons why people cheat, I will save that for another post. I have had friends who sleep with three girls in a day and imagine all three gets pregnant, how would they take care of them? This is how it starts.

I have lots to talk about but like I said in one of my previous posts, I hear you guys don’t read long posts so I will just cut it short. We should be wise, there is no way I want to be like my father and before I leave, let me tell you a story. I only saw my father twice, the first time was when my mother died and the second was when he was close to death. At his funeral, I met almost all my 24 siblings, they came from all over the world to bury this man and just before they were about to cover the coffin, they asked the kids to gather around it and cry. Some of us never cried and those were the children he didn’t take care of. There was no love and I really hope that he is resting in peace wherever he may be. The greatest torture for a child is to grow up with no father and I know what I am saying, I am talking from experience. If we are starting by keeping two or more women then we should sit back and check our lives. If you have the money to be with two women, feel free and let it be legit but don’t do something that will make an innocent baby suffer, that is a ‘not-not’.

I want to be a father, how many of you are fathers or want to be a father one day?

 

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16 thoughts on “Men Of Yesterday and Today

  1. Interesting story you have there. It may also surprise you to know, we both share the same story. Never really experienced fatherhood nor motherhood. My grandmother was both my dad & mum. I grew up basically knowing that my dad was a military officer & my mum a business woman who both couldn’t deal with the fact that, they were both similar & decided to go their separate ways & eventually dying a year after leaving me to my grandmother. Yesterday, I couldn’t think of anyone to call than my Grandmother because she’s the father I never had even though I’ve had a couple of father figures in my life. Your advise & aspiration on becoming a father is well noted. I pray you become a very responsible one someday. Oh, I’ll contact you for the recipe to delivering “twins”…

    1. Macjordan,you fool!i will be a responsible father,no lie and as for the recipe,i will think about it because of so many reasons.i know about your ‘grandmother’ story because u told me once and we thank her because she is responsible for your status now.my grandma taught me how to say my ABC,taught me the colours and how to read and write because my mother was mostly out working.May they Rest in Peace.We will def be there for our kids,i know!!

  2. interesting………..I dont have a story like that but I wish that irresponsible fathers will be responsible,hard core fathers will be softer and get closer to their children.I wish fathers would be their children’s best friends…..so they would be celebrated everyday like mothers.Children wont have to wait for fathers day to tell their fathers how they feel about them and how they appreciate them for the school fees they paid,how they put them through ‘military training to be better people and all that.thank u for your piece.really interesting

  3. Deep Mutombo…..this has taken me to a place…..a not so great place. From my own experiences i KNOW that being physically available to your children is not always possible for a myriad of reasons but every good parent must connect with their children emotionally ALL THE TIME. It’s crucial. I know a father that lives in the same house as his child and only speaks to him when it’s time to scold. He has no interest in his child’s life, who he is, what he likes etc etc. Where’s the love? Where’s the emotional connection? Where’s the support? And then there are fathers who are 1000s of miles away from their children and are relentless about keeping tabs and maintaining that connection. There are mothers who suffer from this trifling disease too but being a father is more than being there physically and shelling out resources for your childs basic needs. If you’re not emotionally involved you too are a SHITTY father.

      1. nope…..n am proud ov it bro..cos that made me dE great soldier i am today and morrow will be

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